Fvckall Moodnuss

Total. Bheja. Fry.

Lately I've been more lost than usual - I cant read, I cant listen to music, I cant watch a tv show, I cant fucking do anything for long peacefully because I AM FUCKING TIRED OF EVERYTHING!

No clue what the fuck is bothering me at the same time really. Its like I have sand in my metaphorical vagina.

Things have actually gone down after the great morale boost we got post single release, with the whole Goa trip affecting my own personal finances for the band. The two-single rule is fucking us over left right center, and we feel a bit stupid to make a journey for a festival that didn't offer reimbursement.

I have also stooped low enough to abandon my disdain for trendy phones and buy myself a new Sony Xperia (the first phone ever bought, since I've survived on handdowns and borrowed free devices for so long). The 1100 equivalent of a Blackberry kind of died cause its not accepting a SIM card anymore LOL. Okay maybe I shouldn't complain about a new phone really, but what the hell I hate myself a little for it hahahahaha!

Pretty pissed I missed out on a LOT of things, the Pune NH7 particularly. I am probably gonna miss Guns N Roses AND Slash (FUUUUUUUCK!) and Bangalore NH7 too, which saddens my heart to no end :( sometimes I feel I was better off as a scene kid who just attended gigs. Or rather, I wish I could sustain my activities with some form of personal income.

Kaafi fuck ho raha hai. My semester is drawing to an end and I really really need to pass through this without any blemishes and the whole baggage that fucking backlogs bring. My relationship with Dad doesn't need any more tension, with him being pretty uneasy with how intense my other life has become in the year he wanted me to quit all the 'distractions'.

Maakichut let me not get even started with the frustration trying to bond with a female can be. I mean, WHY?!? Why do they have to be so difficult to read, so ambiguous? I'm still not sure what time is right to talk about this because I am clueless.

I kind of have shifted from a feeling of contentedness and general progression into some kind of void full of despair, frustration, totally uninspired and unproductive.

I want to blast some Strapping Young Lad and calm myself with the aggression...but I can't pay any attention  to the music either. FML.

The Comeback!

Okay the band has had a few booboos. Real shitty time at Searock, missed DLC live. So was in FML mode for quite a while.
Today marks the day I had a successful zombie mode on, with lots of pondering over what is to happen, being insecure and shifting weight off my butt to my back to my neck.
It usually takes an examination to push me off into such territory, but what the hell. Good to revisit that shitty feeling (for no apparent reason today)
I guess shitty sleep schedules call for shitty dazed days. No more -OH compound preparations for mua. Need ze break from chemical stimulation.
I think I'm addicted to breaking myself down like this every once in a while to feel all super interested and excited the rest of the time. As it is my swinging interests always drag me to these extremes.
Ate whole green chillies! WTF! They taste gooood with potatoes. Mmmm. And I had pickled mussels to go with that. Kuch bhi na? Bloody Mallus will create pickle out of anything fuggerz. Acidity is going to make me barf tomorrow.
So I'm all set for self destruction tonight. Tomorrow I shall arise anew. Or so I hope. The Phoenix always makes a comeback no?

I don't even know what week this is :-s

Okay.
Lots of shit has gone down in these several weeks that I have neglected the progress reports.
Gaia's Throne now has a single, a qualification for SeaRock 2012
AND I AM WATCHING DEAD LETTER CIRCUS LIVE :D nothing fucking beats that for me :)
http://soundcloud.com/gaiasthrone/gaias-throne
^here is the single. The voice by yours truly.

Kaafi mindfuck hua hai - in both good and bad ways.
Gojira - Periphery arriving soon in December too...I NEED MONEYZ :O

Quantumplation - I haven't forgotten you my dear child. You shall be back...soon. You've grown quite a lot in these past few months, and its beginning to show. You shall be ready when I am.

Until then, keep inspiring my fatigued mind heheheh.

Sayonara.

Inking Out The Mind : Inspiration and a few other things.

When I look at a band like Scribe, I can only think of how can a band made out of 5 middle class musicians can cut such incredible music. Its not just the catchiness of it - they've got original flavour, masterful songwriting and that crazy onstage vibe while being tightly knit. It just seems inhumanly possible that they do all that with day jobs and social lives.

Its very easy to feel you're not good enough to cut it. I end up asking myself often if I should have trained myself earlier, what could have I done to be better as a musician now. I wonder what kind of musician am I at times, why do I feel stuck with the same thoughts in my head I had two years ago. Turns out these kind of things never go away. Insecurity is not uncommon even with people who've had extensive experience in playing/composing.

Keeping a good rep and making contacts in the circuit is important, but sometimes we tend to forget that when it comes to writing music the thing that matters most is quality. Something that is severely lacking in most bands, and they tend to get disheartened and lose faith along the way. Its painful to paint yourself a pretty picture of being a musician and then cold-slapping them to realize they're worth jack shit.

Seven lines is all Isis take to convey emotion in a song that spans seven minutes.

Struggle births every necessity, which in turn pushes us to discovering paths and ways we never noticed before. I think a bit of creative block is good. It will help me keep in line and know my limits.

People quit out of slow growth. They never notice that there is a word 'growth' following slow. Something is better than nothing.

Hitting all the nails is tough - practice, inspiration, pushing limits, hardwork, disciplined focus, fulfilling responsibilities. Every day is a new challenge. We overcome, and grow stronger.

Week 13

Five weeks have passed. Gaia's Throne is done now with 3 original songs and a fourth in the making. I am unable to find time or motivation now to pursue the solo project ideas. I do occasionally doodle with my guitar, playing riffs and stuff but I haven't earnestly worked towards progressing into the new coherent composition territory.
Also available to me is a task of Riffmaster for a friend who'd love to work with my ideas. I think I have gotten more and more reluctant, moody lately. Too much music happening probably? I need to regain a bit of focus perhaps and make sure I don't get tired/bored with this.
Magazine work is going on silently. Probably the start of next month shall see a first edition online ready for viewing. Fingers crossed!
Aaaand internal exams! Fuck! The coming week is totally lost. I think I shall be craving to do more music once I am done with that marathon run of just studying. Hoping that shall result in some cool scenes soon! I really really want to finish 3 demos and look at recording something properly.
Adios for now. Brb soon.

Week 8

Gaia's Throne jams are on! Lots of lyrics were penned for the first song. We're chock-a-bloc full of ideas for the narrative text. It's probably the longest song too, with all the patterns and parts. I like a challenge like this - am now finally delving into experimenting with thoughts in another person's composition.
I eagerly await the completion of this song - we could probably build some buzz with a single soon. Who knows, we might do anything really!

Plans to kickstart a music magazine were running in the backdrop, and last week we saw a considerable rise of public interest in the project. This seems to be promising.

Week 7

Now a part of Gaia's Throne! Check us out here.
http://www.facebook.com/GaiasThrone

Killer new material, lots of neoclassical shred, power metal feel is thrown into a somewhat progressive mold of music. I'm no power metal vocalist :P haha but I shall continue to learn, isn't it? Thinking of providing my own flavour into the mix, something of a Daniel Gildenlow meets Chino Moreno meets Ian Gillian inspired kind of mix in the vocals? Lets see how well that goes. Working on melody ideas for song number one, lets hope all goes well!

Two (and a ghost one) bands now deserve my attention towards them, and its starting to show. Handled a bit of a situation with a late jam after calling in sick earlier in the morning. I will have to kind of back that up with a heightened sense of responsibility at home now probably, so yeah! Hahaha! Welcome to the world of diplomacy!

Still am stuck with some uninspired material that I want to badly change into something good. I hope I can think of something awesome.

That's all for this eventful, and kind of tiresome week.

Week 6

True to myself, I did manage to score an excellent riff idea and get it recorded.
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/81045623/song2demo.mp3
College started and song 2 has just been sketched out, disappointed that I couldn't achieve the original target of 3 demos. Though now I am more determined since the new material is improving my writing and playing even!

Its got a galloping rhythm, but its fit into a slow, thunderously sludgy backdrop and groove drumming. Very potent idea that shall be song 2.

In other news saw the Rolling Stone Metal Awards and was blown away by the performances every band gave. I'd love to play on that stage someday, its seems like the best sounding closed venue I've ever been to. Beats Kyra by a mile! (except for the beer rates. I lau Bengaluru for that wonly.)

Also had great time with buddies in the car-trip. My sense of humour stays terribly pakau, much to my relief I can still make people tear the hair off their head.

More work to follow! Gotta makez dem demoes quick!

Week 5

I've started doing sessions with a friend's band - we're trying out my clean vocals with his music. Its sounding alright so far, I still need to work on my voice and make it sound better. I think recording is a very eye opening experience. You lie exposed when you sing into a microphone, every little detail so clear and delicate. Its difficult to pull off a vocal performance flawlessly in one take!
Rains have almost set into the weather, and college has begun. I have cleared every subject and the load is off my back. Whew! One more riff idea that is potential song material. Need to work soon.
I think the blog deserves a new demo clip soon. Shall be on priority this week.

Is musicianship in India only for the privileged?

This was something that spouted out of a statement my sister made when I mentioned to her the cost it takes for me to jam daily before gigs; that being a musician is something only for the privileged in our country, let alone this city.
And it is somewhat true - the ones who enjoy the freedom to be heavily involved with music usually, not strictly but it happens to be that most of the time they come from families that are well-off and/or the modern-thinking types. The kind who won't fret over why their kid doesn't go pray on Thursdays at the Krishna temple and chooses to plaster his walls with posters of AC/DC or Pantera and refuses to cut his hair. More tolerant parents, in terms of providing their kids moral+monetary support.
Its kind of an obvious observation, though there are times when I have felt those that are better off financially seem to have it relatively easier. When I mean 'rich kids', they're usually the kind that would probably visit some country with family as part of vacation time. Someone that can afford a bit of luxury in life.
While I belong to the middle-class who live in a modest house in the suburbs, I have seen that richer kids end up faring better simply because they have more access to things like good equipment and they end up learning the ropes faster. Its easier for them to convince their parents to invest in quality music gear for them, which would have been spent instead on an iPad or a Playstation. I'm not accusing them of depriving others or that its unfair, it makes perfect sense. If I were a fellow with parents ready to buy me what I like from time to time, without flinching at costs, usefulness and the sorts, buying gear and spending time to improve yourself as a musician sounds like the most sensible and natural choice one could make.
I find it awkward to explain to my father (and still avoid) on how awesome it would be to own some sort of interface to mix music on. Music is just a hobby at the end of the day in his point of view. It doesn't make sense to invest in something that studios use if I am just a hobbyist. The argument has some value to it that's sincere yet harsh and real.
When you take away these obstacles, its much more liberating for a budding rocker. A dad enrolls his son in a top-notch guitar training institute, the fella learns to read notation, switch from fingerguitar to picks, tell if the guitar lick belongs to what scale and mode, then he gets a nice shiny new guitar, a Line6 POD that costs as much as a brand new PC, a Mac to record his music on, the things keep going on. Its easier when your parents understand the basic essence of what you're doing. They actually help you get better at it.
Freedom for me means the ability to choose from almost any option available and obtain/achieve it. When a person has more privileges, he automatically feels more free as an individual. This isn't strictly money-wise freedom - I'm talking on a much broader sense here. There's a right to choose from plenitude, even if some of those options are not moral. Freedom is almost an omnipresent theme in the music culture and ideology since forever.
That doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to be the next Jimmy Page if you're loaded with money. I've seen rich 'scene kidz' who do nothing but suck at being musicians despite having gear worth thousands, as well as people coming from impossibly difficult upbringings breaking into playing and composing great music, so true to the original spirit of blue-collar rock n' roll. And yes, there are always people like me, sitting right in the middle, looking both sides, seeing which meadow is greener so that we can jump safely to that side. Middle class mentality, as they say! Hahahaha! I can think of another person right now who is a guy from a modest background, but has absolutely no expenses for alcohol or cigarettes and the usual paraphernalia musicians tend to indulge in. That saves him quite a bit, and living like a caveman let him buy some really really awesome shit, while improving exponentially at doing what he does.
Privileges are to be acknowledged and thanked for. Nothing else really. Its not unjust, its not extravagant, its nothing negative or 'evil' as people are so quick to associate with big money. As long as the music is fine and honest, none of that shit matters. On a personal note, I think it helps that I hang out with people with different lifestyles. Sometimes I sip overly expensive beer with people, sometimes I order cheap truck-wallah fuckall whiskey with another bunch of people. I'm hanging out with cosmopolitan youth at a music venue and an hour later I am returning home on a local with modest, simple folk. Gives me more perspective.
My final conclusion - privileged or not, if you're fuckall and chodu at making music, you're probably going to stay that way. Unless you really work hard on changing it.

Week 3

Fantastic night! Pulled off a really loud and killer set, albeit with a lot of flaws that were made up for by the energy. I seriously need to work on my fitness and lung capacity if I am to windmill nonstop and shout vocals. Rage Against The Machine is TOUGH to pull off nonstop! I also feel bad for my bandmates for tolerating my nonsense and really bad jokes.
Spent the long ride back home contemplating (or quantumplating rather ;P ) on life and music. I realized we're always doing this balancing act, we're always part of a duality. We've got people who are silent and all sombre in real life but turn into fucking monsters, the personification of blood red rage on stage! The funny man also tends to be the most serious guy when it comes to matters of importance!
I guess I am realizing the presence of duality in my path as a musician too. Here I am being the macho, attention seeking crazy loony frontman with MLTM, while being quite a seclusive person when it comes to my own compositions. I guess it balances both shades of myself, satisfies the yin and yang as an artist. I hope things go forward from here and I cherish more of each shade, always learning, always growing.
Now that I have completed the gig, I shall tick 'Aggro Metchul Dude Show' and now work towards 'Reclusive Dark Dopesmoking Moody Music Man'. Or something of that sort. I think I'll just shut up and go sleep now. We've got new paths to tread on tomorrow.

Week 2

Busy busy busy week! Kicking the jams with Miki Learns To Mosh. We're doing an all RATM set the coming weekend and I'm frankly going nuts with all those lyrics to learn.
New song idea has been doodled on. Hoping it turns into something cool!
https://dl-web.dropbox.com/get/Public/sampletest.mp3?w=b72ca264
Lots and lots of work awaits me.

Week 1

I am looking at an idea for artwork. It has to be splotchy. Simple random pattern generated by folding a paper with wet paint splashed on it. Kindergarten artwork! Hahahaha! But the Rorschach effect feels in sync with the kind of visual projection I imagine for the music I intend to make.

I might probably let some person with actual artistic skills reinterpret my idea later. For now I guess that's quite cool to begin with.

The song is coming slowly into form, and I'm really happy with the way things are going. I just hope I can write more material like this. A sample demo was made:
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/81045623/q-demo.mp3

Picked up a bit on Absynth and the insaaaaaane Spektral Delay. Its so awesome, I used it on my acoustic guitar sounds and now they're sounding fabulous! If I ever make any money from this I swear to pay Native Instruments and pick up an official copy.

Need to work more on:

1. Drum parts
2. Flow of the song
3. Extended outro
4. Vocals and lyrics. I'm really struggling to do justice on this one.

Hopefully I shall finish this off soon enough and start on a fresh track. I hope I make atleast 3 more demos like this before college starts. Cheers to that!

Genesis? Or Rebirth?

Its been a year since this blogspace was saved. It was saved for a purpose...it was saved with the hope that someday this dream of mine shall come to fruition.

I felt the time is near. The moment is not too far away. However I end up feeling bogged down a lot with the lack of ideas, or rather the lack of GOOD ideas to work on, and often end up frustrated and whiling away time on the internet. Pretty much unproductive couch potato activity.

So I decided to stop the procrastination. Escape the frustration. Channel the negativity inside me into something. This is going to be a personal log of sorts for my progress. Each time, every step I take shall be taken into account. All the pent up dissatisfaction shall be spoken out here.
I wasn't very sure about doing this. Its making me feel pretty vulnerable as a person - I don't like to be seen as an unconfident type of a guy. My ego won't let me do that! Hahahahaha

But I'm hoping this won't be a place to see my incompetency or an account of my failures. I hope this blog will narrate a story, my story, and will be a celebration of my growth as an artist, musician and a person. My hope is that it will mark a chart of where I go henceforth and all the new personal achievements I aspire to achieve shall be integrated here. My will and resolve are to be tested, and I shall see how far this takes me.

There is not much that I desire in return out of my ambition, yet the things I do desire would mean the world to me and make it much more than the little that it really is. A sincere, heartfelt connection is all I ask from those in the world who happen to come by anything I create. That shall be my reinforcement, the glue, the fuel and the hammer that shapes the iron.

"King of those who know
I've taken off my clothes
The diamond crushed the stone
And gave the world a heart"
-Paul Masvidal
Cynic - King Of Those Who Know (Traced In Air)